That wasn't a fire...I was just thinkin'

      Head for the bunkers! I have been thinking! Yeah, me thinking can be dangerous some days. I myself have yet to figure out if thinking is a good thing or bad thing. I guess it all depends on the day and what it is that I am thinking about. So what have I been thinking about lately? EVERYTHING.

     I tend to do a lot of my thinking when I'm driving. The things I think tend to get really weird. The other day I was randomly thinking about what I would say if for some-odd reason a cop pulled me over for some strange reason. Whether it be for a tail light or broken blinker. Then I wondered if it would be the cop that was a friend of the family. He goes by the nickname 'Mississippi' (I totally spelled that out in my head using the old spelling trick lol). Next thing I knew I was doing that whole this rhymes with that, or reminds me of this, etc. Maybe you can, maybe you can't, follow my path of logic. I'm gonna show what I thought and where I ended up.


Mississippi (cop), Mississippi Mudd (alcoholic drink), Mudd rhymes with Fudd, Elmer Fudd, Elmer's Glue, Horses in Glue (I love horses *sadface*), Horses in Kentucky Derby, Derby Cars, Stock Cars, Cattle Stock, Cows into Beef, Beef into Steak, Steak on Grills, Summertime Grilling, Swimming during Summer, Summer in Northern Hemisphere, Earth, Solar System, Galaxy, God, Life, Thinking, Thinking while Driving, Driving alone, Getting Pulled Over, Mississippi (cop). Mind Blown.

Crazy.

Yeah....whenever I think, it's probably best to head to the underground bunkers.

Peace out, rant on!
-Sesshy

My own Facebook page!

I have my own Facebook page! Go check it out now at https://www.facebook.com/shamansesshy and don't forget to hit the 'Like' button!

-Sesshy

Hell...Oh, Spring!

      I love spring. It means that all the white stuff that vomits from the sky 9-10 months of the year is finally gone for the next few short weeks. People in my area call this short period spring/summer/fall/construction. It's basically all four in one. The only thing I don't like about the season is how the bipolar weather makes me feel. I'm sure I'm not the only one. For a basic description, it makes one feel like the green pukey smiley you find on poison labels.

      Yup. The migraines, the body aches, the stomach upset, you name it. You can get the best nights sleep and still wake up feeling like the world's largest Mac truck ran over you, slammed on it's brakes, backed up, and ran over you again at least a dozen more times. Add another dozen times if you have seasonal allergies.

      On the bright side, I get to look forward to summer tourists! They always bring a smile to my face. If you aren't local and reading this, pay a visit to Mackinaw City sometime. Don't forget to ask someone what time the Mackinac Bridge goes to to the Island or the secret recipe for the Island's special fudge. Also, don't forget that Mackinac is pronounced just like it is spelled and that it is illegal to pronounce it any other way, regardless of what locals tell you.

      Thank you for making a local's day if you just did any of the previous. You are now an official Fudgee! 100 interwebs cookies to you! If you did the above and you are a local, then hope your employer/coworker didn't catch you playing hooky after you called in just to play Fudgee. We all know it's a fun pastime, but someone has to get back to work making that fudge.

Well, that's all for now. Peace out, rant on!
      -Sesshy

Of Couches and Caffeine

      Oh devilish caffeine, you think you can suck me back into your evil ways. Just kidding. I don't mind so much now. At least I can say I only drink the occasional coffee for a morning pick me up, instead of being a hard core caffeine addict. If you are confused in any way about what I am referring to, let me rewind a bit.

      Flashback high school years. Teenage female, depression, insomnia, high school in general, and a heart/blood pressure condition that was controlled via medication and Mt. Dew. I went from 2-3 twenty ounce bottles of the beverage a day to going through gallons of caffeinated type beverages a day over the course of a month. It didn't matter what it was, as long as it contained caffeine. I  went like this for about 2 years. I'm honestly surprised I didn't do caffeine pills too. I downed everything from cappuccino, Volt (back before there were such things as 'energy drinks'), Mt. Dew, etc. My salvation from this curse came when I found out I was pregnant with my oldest son. The doctor told me I could either wean myself down or just cut myself off completely. I knew there was no 'weaning' myself, so I went with the only other option and quit cold turkey. I didn't sleep for a week and twitched constantly. Some people that knew me said I was like a crackhead without a fix. Creepy.

      Now here I am sitting with a cup o' joe, and I can finish it and call it a day. Tomorrow, if I don't need a push start, then I can go without. I feel so proud of myself. Yay me!

      On another note, my in-laws got a new couch! Brand spankin new! I love the smell of new furniture. I admit it, I couldn't resist smelling the couch for at least the first 5 minutes hehe. Along with new furniture smell I like the smell of new books, fresh painted rooms, new carpet, clean babies, my husband fresh out of the shower, my husband after he's worked on a car, and fresh cut wood. There's more of course, but these are just some of the more common, yet different ones. And the reason I mention my husband is because in my situation it would be wrong for me to say 'a man fresh out of the shower'. Plus, I DO like the smell of my hubby when he gets out of the shower. Not all men smell the same, even if they were to use the same shower products.

      Well, that's it for today! Peace out, rant on!

-Sesshy

Ode to Alarm Clock

Alarm clock you wake me against my will daily with your screams
Violently ripping me from the wonderful world of my dreams
When your cries are most dearly needed for me to wake
It seems that is when you choose to remain silent
It must be my fate



       Ya'll know what I'm talkin about! Whether you set the time, but forgot to turn the alarm to 'On', or you set the time for pm vs am (or vice versa). Then there are those days when you just forget to turn the darn thing on all together! This happened to me yesterday. Thursday I had to get up early to take my youngest son up for surgery to get his adenoids removed. That night I was pretty tired out between the early morning, watching over him to make sure he was alright throughout the day, trying to get my oldest to understand that I don't love him any less just because I am watching my youngest like a mother hen would, and so on and so forth. So come that night I set my alarm for the next day so my oldest can still go to school. Being the next day was a Friday that meant he had a big science test and it was the 1st day of his big science project. On top of that, with this winter's horrid flu season and him being an asthmatic, I'm already having to deal with the school truancy board with his missed days.

     So I set the time and go to bed. Next morning I wake up to my husband banging on the door (he works nights) asking why BOTH boys are home. I look at the clock and realize what I did. I set it for PM instead of AM. Then we all start the dance of 'Let's all rush and see who can get in who's way the most because we're all in a hurry'. Hop in the car and drive as fast as safety allows in the pouring rain. Gotta love spring 2013 where mother nature has decided to stop taking her meds for menopause and bipolar at the same time. Make to school on time and head back home. Turn onto the road home and start hearing a strange squeaking sound. Great. Just another thing to break on this thing. Turns out to be a shock. All this crap-in-a-hand basket because of my lack of ability to be able to distinguish the little dot that means AM or PM. And because mornings just hate me in general.

    So that's my rant for the day. Have fun all. Peace out, rant on!

 -Sesshy

The week of blahdy blahdy blah blah..

    Soooo.....now that I finally have a moment to breath *takes deep breath*, I guess I can finally take some time to finally post on here considering it's been waaay too long since the last time I did. Too much going on for someone who feels like they normally have nothing to do. Between my 4 year old getting tubes in his ears (again!), and my husband going to multiple appointments only to find out what we pretty much knew was going to happen, I haven't really had any time to myself.

    What's going on with the kid and hubby you ask? Nothing big. My youngest has dealt with ear infections repeatedly since day one. He had tubes when he turned one and did fine for a few years. Then the infections started coming back. His original physician had moved on so I was stuck with some crackpot that didn't seem to understand what 'azyromiacin resistant' meant. Finally my doctor took up family practice in the town we recently moved back to so I took him there. After only a few months he had no problem referring my son back to the specialist. Now he has to endure not only the tube procedure, but a separate procedure for his adenoids (tomorrow, the 18th) because stupid insurance won't cover both being done at the same time.

     As far as my husband goes, his isn't really that big either. His all started years ago, but now it's just finally gotten to him enough that he actually did something about it (like I told him to do then *sigh*). His knee has always given him trouble, but like all stubborn men, he tried to at like it's no big deal. Now it's finally hurting him enough that he couldn't stand it anymore and he FINALLY felt it was time he should talk to the doctor. It probably doesn't help that we go to the same doctor and I kinda went in with him and tattled on him. What? I was sick and tired of the whining about the knee that he wanted something done, but refused to take the initiative to do anything about! So, anyway, after several appointments to the specialists, MRI's, etc., they tell him he needs knee surgery. Now he's a little upset. Not at me. Just upset in general because he doesn't know if he'll be missing 3 days or 2 weeks. And even after they fix the tendon tear, he'll still be in some pain because they told him he also has arthritis in the same knee. I tried to explain that at least the tear will be fixed and won't get worse and cause something more painful to happen. I think he just likes being grumpy some days.

   Well, that's my week in a nutshell. And I still have more of it to come (ugh, don't remind me!). So I'm gonna just try and get a few more breaths in while I can before life  starts running me over again! So see ya'll later and peace out, rant on!

-Sesshy

The rant of blah

    Ugh. My brain has been in "I don't wanna" mode these past few days. I think it's my brain's way of recovering from a depression 'shut down'. For anyone those who are lucky enough to go through life not having to deal with clinical depression, a 'shut down' is pretty much what it says. It's where you pretty much shut down. You don't think, speak, feel. You don't anything. I have been on medication for the past several years, but there are still times when an episode manages to break through. I just pretty much just sit there real quiet for the whole day, only speaking when required. The thoughts in my mind are thoughts that I might not normally think. Usually things like if my husband or kids really need me, if they would be better off if I left. I don't feel any sadness though. That's the strange part. I just feel so.....empty. I don't feel anything. Thankfully though, by the next day things are usually back to normal....for the most part. It always seems that for the next few days after a breakthrough episode my brain feels somewhat drained. Like coming back from the edge took all I had or something.

    So how long have I struggled with this sickness? I was diagnosed when I was 13. I had hit an all time low and written a note to a friend in school saying that I was going to kill myself. My mom immediately took me to a counselor to find out what was going on. After my diagnosis, I was started on antidepressants. I found these made things worse. One even put me in such a daze that during the 2-3 months that the medication was in my system I have no memory of. Apparently my sister (who is six years younger than me) was looking after me. I eventually gave up on meds and took a more natural approach to treating my depression. Through meditation, journals, friends, and more, I found I was able to overcome I my depression for the longest time medication free. It wasn't until after I had my second son that I found I could no longer fight my depression on my own. I didn't have the time for myself to do things like meditation or even to write in journals. No time for friends. Not even time for me. Plus with hormonal postpartum, the depression was just too much. After talking to my doctor and expressing my concerns with medications, we tried 2 or 3 medications before finding my current antidepressant. Though it has had to be increased in dosage in the 4 years I have been taking it, I find it has been helping me better than if I were to go without. As a mother of two boys, and a wife, I don't always have time for myself. I have found sometimes it doesn't hurt to have that little extra medicated help.

    There are those out there that may not believe that depression is a true mental sickness. They may feel it is only a state of mind. I know a lot of people like that. I have had to deal with their prejudices for years. All I can say to them is they are not me. They have not had to deal with my struggles, and they are blessed to not have this sickness. I go through each day fighting my fight. Living each day one at a time, and facing them as they come. I don't worry about tomorrow, just today, because before tomorrow can come I must first get through this day.

-Sesshy